This one is going to be a bit different than my first two. Rather than share some thoughts on some sort of topic that interests me, i am going to grace you with a story from my youth. I believe I was around 12 years old. My cousin came over to pick me up to go hang out with him and run some errands. Normally going to your older cousins house is going to be slightly boring…almost like going to your grandparents house. you are used to having all of your stuff available in your own house to entertain you. so if you go out somewhere, you have to find some way to keep occupied and entertained. On this particular day, i was introduced to what i would later find out is not a fucking joke. A crossbow. Now for those of you who do not know what this is, to put it simply, it is one of the only weapons that was banned years ago mainly due to the fact that it is a fucking murder machine. England banned it because they felt like it was too lethal. Too lethal? I dont understand the meaning of that. No such thing as overkill. If it kills you once, it cant kill you twice right? Well fuck that says the crossbow. it will kill you, and then continue to do so in your own personal hell after death. the sheer efficiency of this weapon is not to be trifled with. Anyways.After attempting to play some video games which almost always ended in some sort of fisticuffs, i decided to walk around the house to cool off a bit. My cousin liked weapons, but wasnt a gun nut. He just liked having them. I went into the basement den to hang out for a bit, and came upon his gun room. And on the third shelf, sat a sleek black thing of beauty that immediately caught my attention. I reached up and pulled it down. it was then that he came in and saw me holding the crossbow. ” dont fuck around with that. its super dangerous” Bullshit i said. its a crossbow. how can it be worse than a gun . oh it is. a gun you will at least hear when it is fired. not this black angel of death. it was made in the fires of hell, and the bolts were made of broken dreams and lost loved ones. i instantly fell in love with it. i wanted it, and didnt care how i got it. wouldnt you know though that he said i could have it. on one condition, that i dont fire it inside or at all really. it would just be a looking piece. once again…fuck that. i was obviously going to fire the shit out of it in my backyard, and maybe bring them back into fashion as a viable weapon. the first thing that you will notice is that it is pretty hard to load. especially if you are twelve and havent developed strength yet. luckily, they have a pull back assist on the crossbow, so people of all ages can enjoy it. i let loose in the backyard for maybe an hour before deciding to call it a day. the fence in my backyard had taken quite a peppering. As i walked into the house my sister noticed me carrying it.” Is that from Carlos?” ” Yes…yes it is. dont fuck around with it. i love this thing. its super dangerous” obivously telling someone that is like asking them not to push a giant red button. there is no way in fuck that they are not going to push it. they will…and push it hard. 10 minutes later i find myself in the basement with my sister. i attempt to show her how to arm the bringer of mothers tears, which is where things get interesting. She decided she was bored of it, and went to walk away. I attempted to finish arming it and was going to just take the bolt out before i pulled the trigger. just for fun. needless to say things didnt work out that way. The bolt fired…..and whizzed directly in front of my sisters face and into a steel trunk. and when i say into a steel truck, i mean it drove a hole though it big enough to put a quarter into it. i sat there stunned. i almost just killed my sister, and didnt even do it in purpose. i was mortified. the magic murder machine that had been so fun and awesome during the day, had almost just claimed a family members life. i didnt know what to do, until my sister gave me the look of i am going to beat the fuck out of you until you regret your past. i had no bolts left,and was too shaken to even do anything. i put the thing down, and awaited my fate. luckily i did not get my ass beat that day as she decided she wanted to fire it after seeing it in action. i was shocked. i thought i was going to be found a bloody pulp in the basement, but apparantly it was too awesome to warrant a beating. she wanted to fire it. so she did. into a cement wall….and punched a hole into that as well. after that, we had decided that it would be best if we never fired it again. unless it was absolutely necessary. zombies, bears, rhinos, hipsters. they were all on the list. after wondering why such a thing couldve been banned during war times, i finally understood why. the crossbow is like a cat. sure its cute and awesome, but deep down lies a horrible killing machine that does not care about whether you are friend or foe. all it cares about is drinking your mothers tears. i admit this one wasnt so much funny as it was informative. if in the future you find yourself with a crossbow in hand and a family member in sight…just remember, point it to the side so you dont completely kill them. and you just learned something new today.